I know I’ve not been paying much attention to my Tumblog lately. It has almost been a month or two since the last decent post I had. && everytime I try to make it up for my followers, I tend to eat my words. I would always say that I will now try to post everyday & blah blah blah. But no actions has been made. I would either work on with CRAVE stuff or study for an exam the following day. But it wasn’t the case for last week since last week, I almost had the luxury of time of flooding my page with lotsa lotsa stuffies.
Last week, I had the most heartbreaking moment of my life. I knew I had to at least post something, something that would make me remember all the happy moments I used to have with this girl. But I was scared, I was scared of falling apart. I was scared of not seeing her name online anymore, I was scared of not being able to talk just like before. I was scared of forgetting how she smiles at me just because she likes to. I was weak. I cannot face the fact that God had to take her this early.
Last time I saw her was around three weeks ago or even a month ago. I went to UP, visited them & had Happy Thursday with the Katipunan folks. I felt bad cause I know I wasn’t able to tell her I love her. So much, that seeing her go breaks me one by one. I hate how I didn’t make her feel I was there for her all this time. I hate how much I didn’t treasure every moment I had with her. I hate how I skipped get-togethers with them. I hate myself for not being enough. She used to be our barkada’s baby. She was the best in the pack. She used to laugh about everything & make every problem go away. She used to talk endlessly in class & recess & lunch during high school. She used to burp like a man & laughs at herself after. All that was, she used to do.
Last Monday, I had to face the most heartbreaking news yet. Her whole family suffered suffocation coming from their burning house. They were helpless & thinking we could have been there. A lot of people loved her & no one was able to make her part at least. I can still remember my friend’s shaking voice as she said while crying, “patay.. patsed.” It was even unclear & I had to ask her to repeat it. At first, I was thinking all of these were just some prank of some sort. None of them were true I thought. Until I received texts & more calls from Kiddos (our barkada) confirming the event. :( I had a meltdown, I cried. I was so depressed. Why does this have to be so sudden? Just last Saturday, Patsed even texted me about the photo booth for her debut which will take place January next year.
:’(
I HATE THIS FEELNG. I hate having to lose someone so important. Indeed, God takes the good first. & yes, I’ve been pretty much in tears the whole time I was typing this.
Patsed,
Wherever you are, I know we’ll see each other again. May it be soon or after a hundred years, promise to wait. Be our guardian angel. Be our light. I love you. & I know, out there are still a lot who feels the same. Goodnight, baby. Sweetest dreams.
